Wax And Wane - ON WRITING AND RUNNING

I wax and wane
about lack of brain
and how much pain
that causes to myself and others
for me the pain is self-inflicted
as my mind has been constricted
I feel as if I've become addicted
to stupidity
and self-pity
and lack of lucidity
It’s yin and yang
And wayward slang
That keeps me unsteady
And not really ready
For the fallout to come
Was I so dumb
And myopic
Or just ironically comic
Or comically ironic
Probably just dumb
It’s south and north
I’m back and forth
About what awaits
At the entrance gates
To the next phase
Of my latter days
I fall and rise
It's time to realize
And apologize
For my negativity
And proclivity
To be a smart ass
For now I seek a clear new path
To escape my own self-loathing wrath
Away from profanity
Creeping to sanity
With bursts of humanity