Tightrope - ON WRITING AND RUNNING

I've been walking on a tightrope
Kind of wondering how I might cope
Without a job
And no security
A pea-sized brain
And no maturity
I find it hard avoiding panic
When the mind is simply manic
No sense of self
Lacking focus
The end in sight
A grim prognosis
I have momentary spells of optimism
When I feel I've made a just decision
Twinges of doubt
Over stressing
Slowly creeping
Second guessing
I am leery of highs and lows
I feel weary as I decompose
Ego lapsing
Emotional void
Bereft of hope
Just paranoid