Self Loathing - ON WRITING AND RUNNING

I am in the midst of a self-loathing experiment
Never before have I felt so much discontent
For most of my life I've been pretty incompetent
And now there are things that I'm hoping to circumvent
The pain of living
The fear of dying
The lack of emotion
The absence of crying
The power of friendship
The mysteries of love
The value of smiles
The warmth of a hug
At this point in life there are things that I squandered
The truth is self-evident and still I have wandered
The more I keep searching, the heart grows more fonder
And now there are things that I've still left to ponder
The scent of a woman
A gentle caress
The rhythm of breathing
The ways of the flesh
The quiet of darkness
Deprivation of sleep
Disorderly thinking
A sanity thief