Reputation - ON WRITING AND RUNNING

It will take forever to repair my reputation
It requires a lot of thinking and creative imagination
I'm lacking in the former and never had the latter
Age is an impediment and my thoughts are pretty scattered
I am my own worst enemy, there's no pretending there
Lacking any confidence, regressing in despair
I bask in simple certainty that I'm on a downhill slide
Not knowing how to deal with mixed emotions deep inside
I've been wrestling with insomnia and feeling so depressed
Each day's an endless struggle and I'm tired of the stress
I grapple with confusion and the lack of concentration
I'm sinking ever lower while wallowing in frustration
I'm basking in an atmosphere of insecurity
I'm feeling pretty down and dealing with obscurity
I hear a lot of voices rattling 'round inside my brain
It messes with my sanity that I'm desperate to maintain
It will take a lifetime to restore my self esteem
I'm more convinced than ever that its just a fading dream