When you are ugly and fat, socializing is not where it’s at. With the verbal abuse, you become a recluse. To avoid emasculation, I tried self deprecation. But the cycle is vicious, and sometimes pernicious. I thought that with age, I’d become more engaged. In being outgoing, a smile always showing. But I am an ass, just definitely low class. An unstable jerk, no longer able to work. Amidst self delusion, I’m back to seclusion. And the sense of aloneness has come with the prognosis. That besides being lazy I am going quite crazy. Or perhaps it’s already occurred and my senses are so blurred. Real or imaginary in a cell always solitary.